The Spiderwick Chronicles

The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008)
Seen on DVD 31th July 2008

JOAN PLOWRIGHT IS IN THIS MOVIE!
Nobody ever told me that she'd be in it!
I love Joan Plowright.

A fun kids movie... magic and fantasy... adventure!
and of course... TWO Freddie Highmores!

STORY: 4.5/7 - (You don't see us, now you do, but only if we want you to)
So basically Jared and his family have just moved out to the middle of nowhere from New York. Their parents have have just split up and the kids aren't very happy: Jared in particular has been getting into lots of trouble. The trouble is only going to get worse after Jared reads Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide though. It explains all the secrets of the supernatural world and now that he's read it, the not-so-nice-guys want him, AND the book.

ACTING: 5.5/7 - (If they say 'suicide' and you say 'goblins', this place is where they put you)
So much more than i expected from this movie. Firstly, there is the matter of Freddie Highmore's american accent. he can pull it off... but it anoys me! The thing is... he does it TWICE! Cause he plays his own twin! Mary Louise Parker does a pretty great job as the mum and of course Joan Plowright. She can't do wrong.

*Freddie Highmores*


CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 5/7 - (Did I hit someone? - Yes, thankyou!)
The movie looked pretty cool, the CG goblins were quite entertaining. There were a few slow-motion issues i had. (i don't like slow motion)

SCORE / SOUND: 4/7 - (nothing special)
Nothing has a brilliant score lately. This was pretty much exactly what you'd expect.

SONGS: N/A


OVERALL: 5/7

- I die. You die. We all die. Bye-bye.
- What does he mean, 'we all die'?
- I think he means... we all die.


Interesting Facts -
- ummm... i got nothing.

GATTACA

GATTACA (1997)
Seen on DVD 31st July 2008

The future freaks me out!

STORY: 4/7
The movie opens on the HORRORFYING premise that in the future we will have designer babies all over the place. If you don't have PERFECT genes, then you will basically be doomed to a shit life from birth. Vincent isn't perfect, but Jerome is, so basically, Vincent uses every trick possible to BECOME Jerome.

ACTING: 4/7
Uma is BRILLIANT, probably cause she's Uma!! Jude Law and Ethan Hawke are also pretty cool actually.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 5.5/7
It's a really cool looking movie... EXCEPT there's un upside down sex scene. What the heck is the point with the upside down sex scene?? and it's next to a window, next to the ocean, so it looks like they're floating upside down over the ocean on some rocks. (it really got to me)

SCORE / SOUND: 3.5/7
To be honest... i don't remember the score AT ALL

SONGS: N/A:



OVERALL: 4.5/7


Interesting Facts -
- "GATTACA" is composed entirely of the letters used to label DNA (adenine, thymine, cytosine, and guanine)
- This is where Uma and Ethan hooked up!

Chasing Amy

Chasing Amy (1997)
Seen on DVD 30th July 2008

Ben Affleck should ALWAYS wear pants.

Some say it's the worst of the Kevin Smith - Jay and Silent Bob series... but it is totally the best, in refference to actually great movies with stories and emotions.

STORY: 5/7 - (I went through something like what you're talkin' 'bout, 'couple years ago, this chick named Amy.)
So Holden and Banky are the succesful creators of the comic book "Bluntman and Chronic" based on family favourites Jay and Silent Bob. All is going well for them until Holden meets, and falls for Alyssa. She is smart, funny, brilliant, talented and... well... a lesbian.

ACTING: 5/7 - (I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore)
Joey Lauren Adams is the show stealer here as Alyssa. I totally believe every word that comes out of her mouth!

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 3/7
Nothing all that special in refference to cinematography.

SCORE / SOUND: 4.5/7
If Kevin Smith is involved you're almost guarenteed an awesome soundtrack of cool alternative music.

SONGS: 4/7 - (Alyssa totally sings a song)
Alyssa is a surprisingly good singer, especially after the "she THINKS she can sing" introduction.

*Jay and Silent Bob*


- HERE'S A BIT OF A SPOILER -
An Extended Quote From The Movie.

I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I can't do this any longer. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn't allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not suppress that - at least for ten minutes - and try to dwell in it before you dismiss it. There isn't another soul on this *beep* planet who's ever made me the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. You can't deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of you and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.


Overall: 5/7


Interesting Facts -
- Joey Lauren Adams was dating Kevin Smith at the time of filming.
- Joey Lauren Adams wrote the song she sings
- Kevin Smith wrote three issues of the "Bluntman and Chronic" comic book
- The Button on Hooper's jacket says "The Black Man is God"

Earth Girls Are Easy

Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)
Seen on DVD 27th July 2008

I have to really doubt whether or not this can be called a musical. it has FOUR songs!
Count 'em... FOUR!

STORY: 4/7
Three aliens Mac (Jeff Goldblum,) Wiploc (Jim Carrey) and Zeebo (Damon Wayans) crash land on earth, in Valerie's (Geena Davis) pool. She then has to help them fit in on earth while they fix their spaceship.

ACTING: 2/7 - (but in a GOOD way!)
This movie is just so extremely 80's. The acting is terrible... but that just makes it even more fun!

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 2/7
I don't really think there was much of either. The fur suits that the "aliens" had on in the start were pretty cool.

SCORE / SOUND: 3/7
The non-musical songs used on the soundtrack were pretty funny and fun. They totally used The B52's and that was awesome... "It's the summer of love-love-love, I'm in love with the love-love-love"

SONGS: 5/7 - (Grab the bleach, she's seen the light!)
When they actually do decide to sing, it's FUN FUN FUN

*Cause I'm A Blonde*



OVERALL: 5/7 - (FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN)


Interesting Facts -
- The alien language is just the dialogue backwards.
- Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum worked together previously on "THE FLY" (1986)

Starship Troopers

Starship Troopers (1997)
Seen on DVD 27th July 2008

Service Guarantees Citizenship!

I absolutely adore this movie. It is just so much fun. From the horrible killing of the screeching evil bugs... to the awesome infomercials which push the films storyline along.

- WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE? -


STORY: 4/7 - (Join the Mobile Infantry and save the Galaxy)
Johnny Rico is a clean cut boy from Buenos Aires, who joins the Federal Service to become a citizen. Unfortunately for Rico, Earth is attacked by giant bugs and he is sent to war!!

ACTING: 4/7 - (You're some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren't you?)
Totally over-acted, but in the best way possible!!
Casper Van Dien and The Eyebrows (Denise Richards) are great!

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 5/7 - (*insert squelching noise here*)
AWESOME visual effects here. Firstly there's the giant bugs!! Then of course there's the giant bugs getting shot to death. Pure brilliance.

SCORE / SOUND: 4/7 - (wow, lots of 4's here)
Pretty cool score. nothing all that special, but still pretty good.

SONGS: N/A

- Are you doing your part ? -


GORE RATING: 5/7 - (Here's a tip: Aim for the nerve stem, and put it down for good)
Some nice exploding bugs... lots of green slime. some big open wounds too... and there's the scene where the guy fingers into the big empty head wound!

OVERALL: 6/7
"Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst"

Interesting Facts -
- A few life-size robot arachnids were built.
- Director Paul Verhoeven never read the whole novel.

Leprechaun

Leprechaun (1993)
Seen on DVD 27th July 2008

Part of the Leprechaun Box Set - (Leprechaun 1, 2 & 3)

Well, i can't believe that THIS is one of the movies set to be remade in the coming year.

STORY: 4/7 - (Try as they will, and try as they might, who steals me gold won't live through the night)
So basically, Mr O'Grady catches a leprechaun, and therefore gets to steal his gold! Only the leprechaun isn't that willing to let go of his gold. O'Grady manages to trap the leprechaun before it can kill him.

cut to - ten years later. Jennifer Aniston and her father are moving into the old O'Grady place and what's this... a crate in the basement with a four-leaf clover on it. Hmmmm... i wonder how this is gonna turn out.

ACTING: 2/7 - (You only got away because me powers are weak! I NEED ME GOLD!)
This movie is really quite funny. Warwick Davis (probably best known for his roles in "Willow" and the Harry Potter series) plays an over-the-top leprechaun who relies on make-up and campness to carry the role and Jennifer Aniston is, well, Jennifer Aniston.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 3/7
The Leprechaun himself looks pretty cool. However the green "magic" that comes out of his fingers is just laughable.

SCORE / SOUND: 4/7
Pretty memorable theme. Quite evil and brooding.

SONGS: N/A

GORE RATING: 3/7
A nice policeman's night-stick-in-the-eye scene.



OVERALL: 3/7
(What do I look like, me lad? See the hat? The buckles on me shoes? Why, I'm a Leprechaun!)



Interesting Facts -
- Jennifer Aniston's first movie
- First movie released in 1993

Paranoid Park

Paranoid Park (2007)
Seen on DVD 25th July 2008

Dir - Gus Van Sant
Written - Gus Van Sant / Blake Nelson

Based on a novel by Blake Nelson.


I LOVE Gus Van Sant. His movies always look absolutely beautiful. I have been interested in him ever since i saw "Elephant" (2003) and Paranoid Park definitely lives up to the expectations. It possibly out-does them.

STORY: 6/7 - (no-one's ever really ready for paranoid park)
Alex (talented newcomer Gabe Nevins) is your average young kid. Has good friends, a girlfriend and loves skating. The thing is, he accidently cause the grisly death of a security guard. The movie starts with Alex writing in a journal, telling the story of what happened as he slowly pieces it together in his mind. You will eventually see every part of the story, some aspects re-told a few times as they gain greater meaning.

ACTING: 6/7
I think that Van Sant's choice to use unknowns / first timers in his movies is GREAT! The subject matter that he deals with best is the uneasiness of ebing a teenager, and nothing can tell that more clearly than an uneasy teenager. Gabe Nevins blew me away in this role!!

*Gabe Nevins



CINEMATOGPRAHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 7/7 - (Skating)
As i said earlier, Van Sant films always look spectacular! Cinematography was by Christopher Doyle, who worked with Van Sant on "Psycho." (1998) The whole movie has a nice slow-moving feel, with some really interesting skate scenes.

*the look of Paranoid Park


SCORE / SOUND: 6/7 - (Elliot Smith)
Lots of lovely acoustic-sounding alternative tracks used to soundtrack as well as some nice soothing classical pieces. Elliot Smith, who is brilliant, appears on the soundtrack multiple times!

SONGS: N/A



OVERALL: 6/7
("I'm not much of a creative writer")


Interesting facts -
- The teenagers in the film were all cast through myspace.

Suburban Commando

Suburban Commando (1991)
Seen on DVD 24th July 2008

Christopher Lloyd!
Hollywood Hulk Hogan!!
And... SHELLEY DUVALL!!!

Heck Yes!

STORY: 2/7
Hulk Hogan is Shep Ramsey, an intergallactic soldier who has crash landed on earth after destroying an evil would-be ruler-of-the-universe. He then goes to live with Charlie, Jenny and their kids.

ACTING: 1/7
SHELLEY DUVALL MIGHT BE THE WORST ACTRESS IN THE WORLD!!

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 2/7
Looks like a VERY early-nineties movie.

SCORE / SOUND: 4/7
Pretty good here actually. Sometimes a little bit Elfman-esque even.

SONGS: N/A



OVERALL: 3/7

So bad it's good.


Interesting facts -
- Shelley Duvall is the worst actress ever.
- Special effects technician Michael Colvin was accidentally killed on the set
- Hulk Hogans real name is Terry Gene Bollea
- Hulk Hogan is the single most requested celebrity for the Make-A-Wish Foundation

South Park: Imaginationland

South Park: Imaginationland 2007/2008
Seen on DVD 24th July 2008

So um... this doesn't have an IMDB page, cause it isn't really a movie. it's just three episodes of south park packaged together, uncut, in a dvd.

They are from series 11 of the show. Episodes 10, 11 and 12.


STORY: 5/7
Well, cartman makes a bet with kyle that if leprechauns are real kyle will suck his balls (a brilliant premise.) They find a leprechaun, but he tells them that terrorists are coming to take over their imaginations, the mayor of imaginationland then takes the boys into their imaginations where they meet all kinds of crazy imaginary creatures from tv and movies. The terrorists then come and take control of imaginationland, letting all of the evil imaginary creatures run free.

As it goes on, butters is left in imaginationland, and it is up to him to save the day. Kyle and Stan are recruited to help the american government fight the terrorists, and cartman gets a court order to get his balls sucked.

ACTING: ummm?
it's southpark. enough said?

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 5/7
This "movie" actually looked REALLY REALLY good! the scene where the terrorists first attack (a tribute/spoof of the Omaha Beach Scene from "Saving Private Ryan") is AMAZING!!

SCORE / SOUND: 6/7
Brilliant use of music, some of the regular south park goodness, and then there's the movie-score spoofs: "LOTR" and "Stargate."

SONGS: N/A (unfortunately)
Unless you want to count... "Imagination... imagination... imaginaaaation..."



OVERALL: 6/7


Interesting Facts -
- Some of my favourite things are in this movie!
- AZLAN!
- Alien

- Freddy Krueger!

Spawn

Spawn (1997)
Seen on DVD 24th July 2008

A trip down memory lane.

I totally remember watching this when i was little... and unfortunately it was nowhere near as cool as i rememberred.

STORY: 4/7 - (Aren't there any normal people left on Earth, or is everybody just back from hell?)
Pretty cool story really. So Al Simmons is a CIA agent (0r something) who has been chosen by Satan to lead his army in the war against heaven, so he is killed, and then sent back to earth all burnt and gross and filled with demonic magic! The only issue is... he still has a concience, and doesn't wanna be evil.

ACTING: 3/7 - (You sent me to Hell, Jason! I'm here to return the favor!)
John Leguizamo did really well as the clown/the violator but everyone else in this movie was just quite... lame really. totally over-acted, and notin a good way.

Leguizamo as the Clown


CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 3.5/7 - (This one of a kind necroplasmic armor can be yours for the teeny price of your soul)
It's a hard choice here, some effects, such as the "armor" and the cape and stuff are totally awesome!! Then there's the other crap. Hell looks like a really cheap screen saver or something.

SCORE / SOUND: 4/7 - (pretty good)
Nothing special. The score was vaguely dramatic and interesting, all the songs used in the soundtrack were your average "horror movie soundtrack."

SONGS: N/A



OVERALL: 4/7
("How come God gets all the good followers, and we're left with the retards?")

Interesting facts -
- John Leguizamo actually ate live maggots for his role!!
- Tim Burton was the first choice to direct (why oh why didn't he)

The Crucible

The Crucible (1996)
Seen on DVD 23rd July 2008

Based on the play by Arthur Miller

WITCH! You're a wicth! and she's a witch!
That lady over there... and that guy too...
EVERYONE IS A WITCH!

STORY: 3/7 - (you are with satan!)
The story of the Salem witch hunt...
So there's a bunch of girls worshipping satan, and then everyone is worried about satan, and witchcraft, so the girls end up accusing EVERYONE of witchcraft. Oh, and there's some blood drinking.

ACTING: 4/7
Daniel Day Lewis and Winona Ryder are both quite good. And the supporting cast is pretty great too.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 3.5/7
Quite dark looking movie... very BLUE. looks like an oil painting.

SCORE / SOUND: 3.5/7
Meh.

SONGS: N/A



OVERALL: 4/7


Interesting facts -
- Based on a true story
- Abigail Williams ended up a whore.

Picnic At Hanging Rock

Picnic at Boring Rock (1975)
Seen on DVD 23rd July 2008

Oh, sorry, i mean Boring at Hanging Rock.

Sorry again... Picnic at Hanging Bore.

Adapted from Australia's most boring book is... Australia's most boring movie!

STORY: 1/7 - (nothing happens)
Some girls go to visit a big rock. They wander up onto the rock and never come back.

ACTING: 2/7 - (nothing happens)
A bunch of girls sit on the grass. Some walk up a rock.

CINEMATOGPRAHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 3/7 - (nothing happens)
Panning shots of a rock.

SCORE / SOUND: -4/7 - (Pan Pipes)
Yes, that's right, the first negative score.
Hey, nothing's happening. Queue the pan pipes.

SONGS: N/A


OVERALL: 1/7 - (nothing happens)



NOW... this is when it gets interesting...
I have a brilliant theory that people keep telling me is total bullshit... but when you add this one simple factor to the story... everything becomes a BILLION times more interesting.

So...

A bit of a RE-NAME and here we go...



MIRANDA IS THE DEVIL (1975)
Seen on DVD 23rd July 2008

An interesting story about how evil takes the form of innocence to destroy all it can.

STORY: 5/7
Miranda is loved by all who see her. She seems like the personification of beauty and innocence. When going on an excursion to hanging rock, she convinces a group of girls to follow her onto the dangerous rock, where she then leads them to the doorway of hell. Unfortunately, the one girl she wanted isn't there: Her lesbian lover, Sarah. Miranda then torments her school principal over Sarah.

ACTING: 4/7
Anne Lambert does a brilliant job. All it takes is a long pause ora tilt of the head for her to convey her evil intentions with the audience.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 4/7
Everything is bleak and slow. A very interesting take on how Satan would view earth.

SCORE / SOUND: -4/7
Those pan pipes are still really annoying.

SONGS: N/A


OVERALL: 4/7

A chilling story. "Everything begins and ends at exactly the right time and place."


Interesting facts -
- Anne Lambert got the role of miranda because the other choice was too fat.
- All of Edith's line's were dubbed by another girl.
- Anne Lambert is in "Somersault" (2004)

The TV Set

The TV Set (2006)
Seen on DVD 22nd July 2008

If I don't worry about the content in my show, then I'm part of the problem. I'm making the world more mediocre!

FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY movie!! I don't even know why i waited this long to see it.

STORY: 4.5/7 - (they wanna pick up the show)
So it's Pilot season and Mike Klein (David Duchovny) has pitched a script. He has the actors he wants, and he is sure of his story, it's different, but GREAT! Now all he has to do is survive the pitching... get approval of his actors... get the show filmed, editted, tested... and then just wait to see if the network even wants to air it.

ACTING: 4.5/7 - (it seems original, and original scares me)
Well, first of all... SIGOURNEY WEAVER!! I think i've loved pretty much everything she's ever done. The character of Lenny is so over-the-top and out-loud funny, and Sigourney simply OWNS the role. David Duchovny is funny because he's so dry... and Ioan Gruffudd is totally british! (haha.) It also has Judy Greer and Justine Bateman who are both AMAZING!

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 3/7 - (you can't just shoot from a dolly?)
Not much special in terms of cinematography here. pretty straight forward.

SCORE / SOUND: 5/7 - (quirky)
It's a really fun cute quirky score. i like that!

SONGS: N/A



OVERALL: 5.5/7

Everyone always wonders, "can Xena be funny?" and i'm the one who's saying "FUCK YES! Let's do it! I've always believed that Lucy Lawless has a great half hour comedy in her."

interesting facts -
- The role of Lenny was written for a man.
- After casting Sigourney Weaver as Lenny, NO changes were made to the script at all.

Batman: Gotham Knight

Batman: Gotham Knight (2008)
Seen on DVD 19th July 2008

He's a living shadow!

OH MY GOD!
I LOVE BATMAN!!
BATMAN BATMAN BATMAN!

This DVD is absolutely fucking BRILLIANT!
If you even LIKE batman a little bit, you have to see it!!

so...

STORY: 6/7 - (have i got a story for you)
So this film is filling the gap between "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight." It is comprised of 6 seperate segments which, when viewed together, tell the evolution of batman from a myth, to a hero!

ACTING: 3.5/7 - (I'm willing to put my life on the line to do what I have to. But it has to be mine, no one else's)
I gave it 3.5 cause that's half... and well, it's HARD to judge a cartoon.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 5.5/7 - (Gotham)
This is an AMAZING looking movie. I don't know if animation can really be listed under cinematography, but honestly... this movie looks BRILLIANT. Each segment has a slightly different animation style, but they are all so dark and brooding and just... BATMAN!



SCORE / SOUND: 5/7
Awesome awesome score. Quite different from the regular batman stuff but still VERY batman-esque. There's a nice word.

SONGS: N/A


OVERALL: 6/7

Interesting facts -
- Kevin Conroy has voiced batman since 1990
- The animation was completed before the voice-acting.
- The actors had to match their talking with the film.

Dr. Chopper

Dr. Chopper (2005)
Seen on DVD 18th July 2008

WELCOME TO
LAKE TATONKA
A Friendly Place
For Happy People

Oh My God! Bad horror is awesome!

first of all... if you EVER say something like: "i can tell that this is gonna be a weekend none of us are ever gonna forget" in a horror film, then you are DOOMED!! It's that simple.

STORY: 2/7 - (oooh, a cabin in the woods)
So the main guy... umm... Billy? NICK! his name is Nick! (this is an indicator of the quality here, i watched it like, 8 seconds ago) Nick's mum has just died, *sad,* and his girlfriend decides it would be a good idea for them, and some friends, to go out to Nick's mum's abandoned cabin in the woods at lake tatonka.

unfortunately there is a crazed plastic surgeon living in the woods trying to find the secret of eternal life, by killing people and giving himself organ transplants. There is also a loner park ranger, who used to be a chiropractor but one of his patients (i think his girlfriend/wife) died. (Yes, apparently his chiropractical skills can't save a life! WHAT?)

ACTING: 0.5/7
Yes, that's right... Half a point out of seven. I think that might even be too kind.
It was TERRIBLE!!! It HURT ME to watch it.
A group of highschool kids could have probably done a better job.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 1/7 (mmmm, severred leg)
There were some severred limbs... that was about all.

SCORE / SOUND: 5/7
Surprisingly good score for a shitty shitty horror movie.

SONGS: N/A

GORE RATING: 2.5/7
Some blood, an ear get's ripped off a guy at one point. lots of deaths... but we didn't get to see any of the killing.


OVERALL RATING: 2/7


interesting facts -
- this DVD was found in a $2 bin!

Moving Violations

Moving Violations (1985)
Seen on TV 17th July 2008

Basically, it was on tv, i wasn't paying attention, heard Jennifer Tilly's voice and paid a little bit more attention.

STORY: 3/7
A group of crazy randoms all get their licences taken away, and have to go to driving school to get them back.

ACTING: 2/7
yeh, well, what's there to say? 80's comedy.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 1/7
Well, basically there's not much of either.

SCORE / SOUND: 3/7
There's some OK music.

SONGS: N/A



OVERALL RATING: 2/7


Random facts -

- apparently a bunch of the stars are siblings of famous people?
- Jennifer Tilly is so cool!!

*couldn't find a pic of Tilly from Moving Violations
So here's a nice recent one.

THE DARK KNIGHT

The Dark Knight (2008)
Seen At The Movies 16th July 2008

... I'm Batman!

YAY! Birthday movie! BATMAN!!
So this was probably the most hardcore batman that i've ever seen, and that's awesome.

Christian Bale is noticably smaller in this movie... the suit is lighter, giving him more movement and making him faster. Katie Holmes is gone, but Maggie Gylenhaal is picking up where she left it, and doing a MUCH better job in the role anyway. Batman has some SHINY new toys, and a cool underground lair to hang out in, inside Wayne Industries.

oh, and some new enemies!


STORY: 6/7 - (this is different, they crossed the line)
Christian Bale returns as the dark knight, with Aaron Eckhart as the white knight of Gotham city... the brand new D.A. who is getting more done than you'd even beleive.

Gotham has cleaned up quite up a bit since we left it at the end of Batman Begins. The mobs have been cleared up quite a bit and if harvey dent gets his way, Gotham will soon be crime free. However, as explained in Batman Begins, there will be escalation. The Joker. He doesn't want money, or power, he doesn't want anything really, just to watch Gotham burn.

The Joker also takes some special interest in Dent.
Bringing him down might take all of Gotham with him.


ACTING: 6.5/7 - (you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villian)
So everyone is "oscar buzzing" their way around Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker, and yes, he was brilliant... but honestly... AARON ECKHART! Have these people seen this movie, Aaron Eckhart totally stole the show. Harvey Dent is an INTENSE man and Two-Face is just fucking scary! Also totally worth mention is Gary Oldman as Jim Gordon. Oldman seems to go unnoticed in everything he's in, which to me PROVES the brilliance of his acting, because he truly becomes the characters he portrays.

*Aaron Eckhart as Two-Face



CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 6/7 - (JUMP!)
So if Two-Face's face isn't enough for you, there's Batman's jump from a building. The car chases (well; cars, trucks and batmobile chases) are amazing, and then of course... there's that exploding building, and that huge truck that flips over.

SCORE / SOUND: 5/7 - (Zimmer!)
I love Hans Zimmer! Big, Bold, Dramatic sounds... long crescendos... CRAZY stuff!

SONGS: N/A

*BATMAN!

OVERALL RATING: 6/7 - (Batman has no limits)

Interesting facts -
- first batman movie not to have "batman" in the title
- i can't think of any other interesting facts
- Batman Returns (1992) is still my favourite Batman

Alien Resurrection

Alien Resurrection (1997)
Seen on DVD 16th July 2008

- Part of the ALIEN QUADRILOGY box set

"There's a monster inside your chest... ...a really nasty one, and in a few hours it's gonna burst it's way through your rib cage, and you're gonna die."

Ahh, resurrection! The FUN Alien movie.
Directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet of "Amelie" fame.

This movie is ALWAYS trashed by reviewers and i'm not sure why. Yes it does take a dark and scary movie series and kick it in the ass with some colour and humour, but TWO HUNDRED YEARS have passed since Alien Cubed and apparently spaceships have better lighting systems now!

Despite the "fun" feel that it carries, this movie is also capable of totally dishing out the SCARY SHIT when it needs to as well. I mean... acid bleeding aliens with second heads inside their mouths and giant razor sharp tails who want to use our bodies as an incubator for their babies?

If they weren't so sexy looking i'd hate them!

STORY: 5/7 - (number 8)
As stated earlier... it has been 200 years since Lt. Ellen Ripley died on Fiorna 161, taking the alien species with her. Weyland-Yutani have been bought out by WALMART, and now, a group of scientists led by the oh-so-very-brilliant Brad Dourif have cloned Ripley, and are breeding the aliens for their research.

*failed Ripley clones

A crew of misfits have "stock" to deliver to the space station which houses the aliens, and the new and improved Ripley. This stock ends up being frozen humans, acquisitioned for the breeding of our favourite little pets. Of course, SOMEHOW, completely unexpectedly, the aliens get out and... well, all hell breaks loose.

The big question though is... will Ripley kill the aliens? or is she now one of them? Because as she says: "i'm the monster's mother"

ACTING: 4/7 - (She'll breed. You'll die)
Sigourney Weaver is BRILLIANT reprising the role that made her career. It's amazing how someone can be so HARDCORE and somehow so nonchalant at the same time. Brad Dourif is outstandingly creepy and Winona Ryder is... well... Winona Ryder.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 5.5/7 - (a beautiful, beautiful butterfly)
In terms of cinematography we're talking LOTS of spaceship interiors: fast dark scenes. Flashing lights, a bit of atmosphere. In terms of visual effects however... we're talking big giant aliens with shiny teeth, creepy drool and chest bursters, face huggers and that UGLY UGLY DISGUSTING second generation alien baby thing.

*2nd Gen Alien

SCORE / SOUND: 3.5/7 - (sci-fi)
The score for this movie was written by John Frizzell. He's scored a few movies i've seen but nothing i can remember the sound of. This is basically your average sci-fi movie soundtrack.

SONGS: N/A

GORE RATING: 5/7 - ("it's gonna make the Lacerta Plague look like a fucking square dance!")
Some nice second heading and stuff... an AWESOME (but so sad) jaw smashing and of course that clone room is all kinds of horrorfying. The best has to be the biting open of the head though. That's real nice!

*failed Ripley



OVERALL RATING: 5/7
"My mommy always said there were no monsters. No real ones. But there are."

Interesting facts -
- In the scene where Ripley throws a basketball through a hoop, over her shoulder, effortlessly... SHE REALLY DID IT!
- Weaver was paid more for her role in this film, than the entire ALIEN film (1979) cost
- The computer name "Father" is a tribute to the original's "Mother"
- The clone room was the main reason Weaver signed onto the project

Tim Burton's: The Nightmare Before Christmas

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
Seen on DVD 16th July 2008

An original idea by master movie maker Tim Burton

What better way to continue the birthday celebrations than to continue with the classicly amazing "childrens" movies. A MASTERPIECE of stop-motion animation.

"Nothing's more suspicious than frog's breath" haha.

the ratings...

STORY: 7/7 - (what is this? ChristmasTown?)
Tim Burton had been wanting to make this movie forever. It was an idea of his, about what would happen if Christmas (the most happy and jolly of all holidays) were to meet Halloween (the most dark and sinister.) The story is a brilliant tale of good intentions gone VERY wrong. When Jack Skellington the Pumpkin King, who rules over Halloween, discovers Christmas, he decides it would be great to try it for themselves... give "sandy claws" a break for a year, and have a laugh in the process.

Of course, Halloween + Enthusiasm doesn't quite equal a PLEASANT Christmas.



ACTING: 6/7 - (and will we ever... end up together?)
OK so it's a bit hard to judge the acting of stop-motion figurines. But Danny Elfman and Catherine O'Hara sing the roles of Jack and Sally with a LOT of conviction. As a matter of fact, O'Hara is brilliant as sally, spoken / sung and in any other way possible.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 7/7 - (WOWZA!)
The quality of stop-motion here is SOOO high! You can even totally forget that the 'people' you're watching aren't real. The quality of the animation here is only matched in 2005's Corpse Bride (also Burton)



SCORE / SOUND: 7/7 - (oooooh)
Danny Elfman is a GENIUS!! enough said?

SONGS: 7/7 - (absolutely no-one's dead?!)
This has to be the movie that made me fall in love with musicals. Everything is just sooo much better when people are singing. These songs have sharp witty lyrics and interesting melodies that take cute little wanders around the main themes. As always, Elfman takes the lower brass for a nice long ride and i can't thiank him strongly enough.


OVERALL RATING: 7/7 - (a NEARLY perfect sweep)





random facts -
- Sally was purposefully built lopsided, to seem unfinished.
- It took 100 people 3 years to make the movie
- Tim couldn't direct because he was busy directing "Batman Returns" at the time.
- The movie makes MANY references to "Batman Returns"
- Burton had Henry Selick direct in is place.
- also working on this film:
- : Denise Di Novi (producer)
- : Danny Elfman (score)
- : Chris Lebenzon (consulting editor)
- Jack first appeared in "Vincent" (1982) (short film)
- : then "beetlejuice" (1988)
- : and again in "James And The Giant Peach" (1996)

The Neverending Story

The Neverending Story (1984)
AKA - Unendliche Geschichte, Die
Seen on DVD 16th July 2008

Can you think of a better time than my birthday to review
THE GREATEST FILM OF ALL TIME ?
No, i can't either.

I honestly beleive that The Neverending Story should be compulsary viewing for ALL children. They should work it into the school curriculum or something. It will honestly change the lives of children everywhere! While i discuss it being viewed by children, i also have to say it isn't a movie that only kids will enjoy. Adults should relish in it... it's amazing... there are so many layers to this movie. From the simple message of beleiving in something something special, and magical... to the philosophical concepts brought up by Morla the ancient one... and the Southern Oracle.

Not to mention... G'Mork



So, i guess i should get to my rating system.
I could RANT and RANT about this movie FOREVER.

STORY: 7/7 - (who are you really?)
- "In the beginning it's always dark"
While hiding from three bullies (one of which is played by Drum Garrett - sweet name) in a bookstore, Bastian notices a large book with an interesting symbol on the front. Mr Koreander, the owner of the bookstore, explains to him that "Your books are safe. While you're reading them, you get to become Tarzan or Robinson Crusoe... ...but afterwards you get to be a little boy again." Bastian steals the book, promising to return it, and takes it to school, where he hides in the attick to read. (avoiding a... "maths test! oh no!")

When reading Bastian discovers an AMAZING world full of mystical creatures. Unfortunately this world - FANTASIA - is in trouble. THE NOTHING is slowly destroying everything. Bastian must follow Atreyu: The Warrior on his travels to save the Child-Like Empress, and Fantasia from complete destruction.

A compelling and moving story which sometimes takes EXTREMELY unexpected turns.
From the absolute joy of watching Atreyu ride triumphantly through the plains... to the absolute horror of the Swamps of Sadness, (*pictured) or the Rockbiter, left alone on the beach by the Sea of Possibilities

*The Swamps Of Sadness - Artax and Atreyu



ACTING: 7/7 - (why don't you do what you dream?)
Even if everyone else in this movie had the talent of Shelley Duvall (that's not much at all) it would still get a rating of seven, purely for Tami Stronach. This girl is one of the most brilliant child actors i have ever seen. Granted, i don't know her from anything else BUT the Neverending Story, but if you have seen her portrayal of the Child-Like Empress you would completely understand.

She is the saddest little girl in the world... with eyes that can SCREAM, while still carrying herself as a royal and beautiful young woman.
When she calls for your help, i can promise that you will feel it!




CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 7/7 - (The Ivory Tower)
This movie is visually STUNNING. Absolutely magical, in every way. Despite being made WAY BACK in the yester-year when digital effects weren't what they are now... this films "magical elements" are more believable than in most movies. I assume it's because they're all actually THERE. Puppetry is awesome. The G'Mork lurches forward towards Atreyu... Falkor lifts Atreyu into the sky... Teeny Weeny really rides that racing snail.

SCORE / SOUND: 7/7 - (the neverending stooooooory)
Giorgio Moroder and Klaus Dolinger teamed up for this wonderful score. It's very synth based, which could go soooooo wrong, but the pair manage to make truly inspiring music out of their instruments. The highs will have you on the edge of your seat, and the lows will have you tears!!

Limahl does a pretty wonderful job on the oh-so-recognisable theme song too!!

SONGS: N/A - (Well, i JUST mentioned Limahl there ^^)



OVERALL RATING: 7/7 - (heck... 164/7 it's the best film EVER of ALL TIME!)


interesting facts -
- The same person voices G'Mork and Falkor and the Narrator
- This interesting because G'Mork and Falkor are opposite extremes
- Limahl is the lead singer from Kajagoogoo
- Tami Stronach is now a dancer
- It was SO hot during film that the Ivory Tower models melted.
- This is the BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!
- There's possibly only one more movie that i can think of which will score a "prefect rating" on my scale.

Wolf

Wolf (1994)
Seen on VHS 15th July 2008

Was Jack Nicholson ever NOT old ??

This movie opens on the ridiculous premise that people aren't scare dof Jack Nicholson to begin with, and frankly that makes me laugh. A vaguely entertaining not-at-all scary (except for the implied Nicholson Pfeiffer sex scene) horror/thriller.

STORY: 4/7 - (grrr)
A man is driving at night and accidently hits a dog, WAIT! No, it's a wolf. Wolf bites man, man is suddenly stronger, faster, has better vision, better hearing and is generally now awesome. How could anything go wrong? Maybe a second wolfman? It's a slightly more intellectual werewolf movie; The werewolf as a metaphor.

ACTING: 3/7 - (meh)
Average. Nothing special - nothing bad.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 3/7 - (*hoooooowl*)
Some really nice looking scenes, but the majority of the movie just looks mediocre. The false teeth worn by Nicholson are nothing short of HILARIOUS, but the wolves are CUTE CUTE CUTE!

SCORE / SOUND: 5/7 - (Ennio Morricone)
Morricone is quite good at what he does! The majority of this score is soothing and/or eerie, with a percussive tension building, but it sometimes falls into the old horror movie traps. Piercing screechy wails from the high winds which aren't intelligent or entertaining.

SONGS: N/A

and because this is a HORROR movie...
THE GORE RATING: Sad!
There was some pretty gross neck-snapping of a deer and some severred fingers... but it was generally lacking.



OVERALL RATING: 3.5/7 - (Groooowl)


interesting facts -
- Hey! it's that brother from Frasier!
- Hey! it's Ron Rofkin from Alias!
- When they were at Pfeiffer's house eating PB+J it was CRUNCHY peanut butter and that makes me feel sick!
- David Schwimmer played the cop at the zoo!

Mars Attacks!

Mars Attacks! (1996)
Seen on DVD 15th July 2008

The first what will be MANY Tim Burton movies reviewed on this blog.
A bunch of the regular team is here
- Tim directing
- Danny Elfman composing
- Chris Lebenzon editting
- Collen Atwood designing costumes
Unfortunately there's no Denise Di Novi around for production... and no Depp.

So, this is a GREAT movie. So ridiculous and so star-packed that it almost doesn't even matter what happens, but even so, Burton has come up with a fresh funny and interesting tazke on the "aliens invade earth" story.

STORY: 4.5/7 - (gnack! gnack!)
Aliens have come to earth. The president is an idiot, the national tv coverage is being led by a fashion show, and the aliens have just made the international sign of the donut. PURE GENIUS!

ACTING: 5.5/7 - (JACKIE BROWN!)
Everyone is a brilliantly played caricature of themselves. The overprotective black mother (JACKIE BROWN!), the trailer-park-white-trash family, the ditzy TV presenter, the nerdy proffesor, the hipy woman and even the president of the united states of america! I'm pretty sure Tom Jones was just Tom Jones though.

CINEMATOGRAPHY / VISUAL EFFECTS: 6/7 - (wowza!)
Tim Burton ALWAYS makes brilliant looking films. The smoking green skeletons... the cute looking guns... Sarah Jessica Parkers head on a chihuahua body. Lisa Marie!!

SCORE / SOUND: 6/7 (Elfman - enough said?)
Danny has done a top notch job here as always. It's pretty fun and happy, but dark and brooding when it needs to be. This is probably the most appropriate time to mention the alien's language too. GNACK! GNACK!

SONGS: 2/7 - (Tom Jones)
So i KNOW this isn't a musical... but... It's not unusual to be loved by anyone...



OVERALL RATING: 6/7 (why are they all in their underwear on the ship?)


random facts -
- Tim's other half Helena Bonham Carter doesn't appear in this movie.
- However Tim's girlfriend at the time Lisa Marie DOES appear in this film.
- Jack Nicholson plays more than one character
- Jack Nicholson is a scary scary man!
- This was the first movie on DVD to feature sound on the menu
- SJP's dog actually belonged to Lisa Marie!